The Weirdest NY Times Social Q's: You Can't Make This Shit Up

A Little to Loud

I’m loud. I’ve always been loud, and come from a loud family. As with many personality traits, it’s a mixed blessing. My booming voice is authoritative and helps me command the attention of an audience. But I’m starting to feel the strains of my voice. Members of my country club recoil in fear; waiters ask if I’d like a more private table. Sometimes I lie and say that I’m hard of hearing. Other times I’ll try to deflect the attention with a joke. Mostly, though, I just clam up. I’ve really tried to lower my tenor. What can I do? - Fritz Gheen, Dubai, United Arab Emirates Response:

Awww, you almost make me feel bad for glaring at those trumpet-tongued talkers who ruin quiet dinners out and peaceful rides on the No. 6 train. But loud people are rarely a “mixed blessing” to the rest of us. We’re just hostages — like Patty Hearst, without the beret. So I applaud your desire to fix this problem. It sounds as if you’ve already tried turning down the volume on your own. And the last thing we want is for you to clam up entirely. So how about checking your hearing — for real, this time? And then, if nothing is wrong, try consulting a speech therapist. They can help break longstanding speech patterns and remake old habits into new ones. Otherwise, you’ll probably be forced to move to a seaside town and seek work as a foghorn. And nobody wants that.

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