Shun modern medicine
Did you snap your femur in half while attempting firefly pose? If anything, more yoga would cure this ailment and don't forget to put some coconut oil on it. Do you suffer from a debilitating addiction to Fit Tea (and perhaps that light crystal meth use)? Screw Cirque Lodge - just ingest a ton of bee pollen and astragalus root and, of course, coconut oil! Did you get skin cancer for some inexplicable reason (Hint: it probably has to do with you being perpetually tan year round)? Spend more time in the sun than before because vitamin D is crucial, start eating more sweet potatoes and flaxseed while lathering yourself in coconut oil because that's better than toxic sunscreen. Did you just get stabbed in the face by a serial killer? Throw a dreamcatcher at your assailant and do some oil pulling with coconut oil! Do you suffer from debilitating depression? Did you not hear me before when I told you to go blonde because it solves your problems? Also, COCONUT OIL.
[Photo via @clovernewyork]
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