Sex, Lies, and Twitter: Sarkozy And Carla Bruni vs. Tweet Power

If you haven’t been following the personal exploits of France’s fun-size prez Nicolas Sarkozy and his model-wife Carla Bruni, you’ve been missing out on a confusing little sex scandal...

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Rumors have been circulating that Bruni has been whipping the crème fraiche with singer Benjamin Biolay, and that Sarkozy has been squashing brioches with his karate-chopping ecology minister, Chantal Jouanno.

Chantal Jouanno                   Benjamin Biolay [Photo by Philippe Wojazer for Reuters]

The UK's Telegraph started breathlessly reporting on the rumors last week, and news (or, better said, "news") reporters at a recent summit between Sarkozy and British prime minister Gordon Brown lobbed questions about the French president’s love life. Sarkozy responded indignantly; Brown looked super-awkward.

Except that it may not actually be a scandal at all. Why? Because an intern made it up. Maybe. I dunno. What is reality, anyway?

Here’s ce qui s'est passé: The news journal L’Express released a statement claiming an unidentified intern concocted the scandalous item as an investigation into the power of twitter to spread unverified rumors. Yeah, totally, because no one has ever used the internet to spread unverified rumors before. Investigating this is akin to asking people who have hair whether or not they have hair.

Obviously we’re miffed about all this, mostly because we ourselves haven’t been exploiting the interblag’s falsehood machine enough. So we’re releasing the following lies into the wild, based on tenuous/imaginary evidence. Tell all your friends!

1. SNOOKI GESTATES FETUS IN HER POOF

The poof appears fuller and more solid. There is a baby inside.

2. NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GYROS, TACOS

Which is which? It's a mystery. Also, both end in the letter O.

3. ORLANDO BLOOM EATEN BY WHALE

Obviously.