Paris Hilton's Re-Branding Launches With Awkward WSJ Walkabout

The WSJ has an occasional feature where they blunder around different NYC neighborhoods with notables. This time, bald, awkies hottie Lee Hawkins wanders around near the Waldorf Astoria with Paris Hilton. What? Okay. What did we learn from this?

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Paris, in a coral-colored dress, taupe heels, and what we at first thought was a denim shoulder bag (trend alert!) but which turned out not to be a denim shoulder bag (trend alert cancelled!) traipsed around Central Park and looked bemused. The fact that she eschews catchphrases and chooses to talk about her business ventures rather than her hair makes us suspicious that she's transitioning into a more professional, adult Paris. Crap. Other important revelations:

One of Paris's favorite activities as a child was to crash Bar Mitzvahs at the Waldorf.

Paris has apparently outgrown the Paris-Baby-Voice. Compare the usual baby-to-normal-voice ratio with the WSJ's footage.

Yes, this was mostly an excuse to get in some Ellen footage. Jane Lynch getting married reminded us how much we like middle-aged lesbian comediennes with ash-blonde pixie cuts.

Lee Hawkins tries to get Paris to admit that she needs the Paparazzi as much as they need her. "Not really," says Paris. Then Lee Hawkins points at her to show that he understands. "Totally, Paris, totally," say Lee's fingers.

WSJ commenters are, predictably, unamused. "This woman has the IQ of an eggplant," says commenter Mark. Other readers complain that the WSJ is turning into the Post. Commenter Priyabal generously remarks, "What a childhood she had! I do not think it was healthy." Word, Priyabal, word.