How To Be Married: Jo Piazza Shares The International Secrets Of Marriage Success

Absolutely.

America is failing at marriage and partnership. We aren’t set up for success here. Too many of us move far away from our families, communities, and support system, which puts an awful lot of pressure on a spouse to be a person’s absolute everything.

The Kenyan Samburu and Maasai tribes told me they felt very bad for Americans who tried to juggle marriage, family, and work without the support of elders, cousins, brothers, and sisters in close proximity. “All of the children call all of us mama,” one Samburu woman told me. That seemed idyllic for me. Nick and I live thousands of miles from our families in San Francisco, so the arrival of my first baby will bring a $3,000 a month day care bill we can’t afford. I’m a freelance contractor without paid maternity leave. Nick owns his own business. If he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid. Just thinking about having a baby and how we would pay for it put a strain on our marriage. Lack of community plus lack of government support makes a perfect storm of shittiness for young couples looking to have children.

On top of that, too many Americans are working more hours than ever before. We stare at our screens when we aren’t at work and ignore our spouses. Quality time equals binge watching mediocre television. We claim we want a work-life balance, but we don’t do enough to make that actually happen.

The paradox is that American culture still celebrates marriage as one of the most important things a woman will ever do. That’s a lot of pressure without a lot of support.

[Photo by Rebecca Yale]