What Does Gwyneth Paltrow's Orgasm Smell Like?

In the midst of a devastating pandemic, a civil rights movement in response to the atrocities committed by the police, and, apparently, murder hornets, I think I speak for everyone when I say what we all really need right now is another candle that reminds of Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina. Well, Gwyneth has heard our (or maybe just my) pleas, and boy, has she delivered!

You read that correctly: Gwyneth just dropped a follow up to the cult favorite, "This Smells Like My Vagina" candle. What's this metaphorical and very much literal light at the end of the ghastly, gloomy tunnel that is 2020 called, you probably didn't ask but I will over-zealously shove down your throat anyway? 

This. Smells. Like. My. Orgasm.

Okay, I obviously don't know what the hell an orgasm feels like, much less smells like since I get texts from guys like this: 

Yeah, no. Doesn't that just make your libido want to shrivel up and die? And I feel like a lot of Gwyneth's target demo (read: privileged white ladies who wear boho crochet cardigans while wistfully brooding on their balconies overlooking beachfront vista with a glass of Sancerre) don't know much about orgasms either because the only thing that really excites them these days is writing negative Yelp reviews. We all want what Gwyneth is having!

So, you're obviously wondering, what exactly does GP's burst of bliss actually smell like? Well, according to Goop, the ($75-a-pop) scent is a mixture of "tart grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose." I only know what one and a half of those things are: grapefruit, which women like Gwyneth shouldn't be ingesting anyway because it mixes poorly with their antidepressants, and gunpowder tea, which I half expect is a euphemism for cocaine. Does the person who writes these descriptions also work for J. Peterman or are they sommeliers in Napa? 

The government mandated we stay 6 feet away from each other and if you're pervy enough to buy this candle, it's likely that the court mandated you to stay even further away from people for reasons other than COVID. Then again, let's face it: this candle is the closest any of us are getting to an erotic experience for a while. That being said, I've already ordered two!