Drake's Not-So-Humble Beginnings

As a Canadian, it’s starting to pain me to tell people where I’m from. Not because it requires a lot of explanation, or results in a bewildered facial expression – but because more often than not, I am greeted with a squealing “Oh Em GEE! Drake is from Canada! Do you know him?!”-

Yes. Canada only has 5 people in it. And one of them is was Drake. Obviously we were BFF’s in preschool and made playdoh animals together and I helped him write music run lines for Degrassi all the time. Um, no – but after some investigative reporting, I came to discover that a not so distant acquaintance used to be some kind of BFF with Drake, and henceforth confirmed that he really does have the waspiest name ever invented – Aubrey Drake Graham. It seems your beginnings are a little bit more white collar than you initially let on, Drake.

The secret is officially out. Aubrey Graham isn’t from an alley in South Jamaica, Queens, and we’re assuming the worst kind of violence he’s ever been a victim of is being stabbed by a dull pencil by Shanae Grimes. Actually, the self acclaimed bad-ass is from Forest Hill, Toronto - commonly known by local Torontonians as the part of the city that’s a little nicer, a lot wealthier, and even has its own Collegiate High School. Oh Aubrey, admit it - you probably had a nanny who cooked you French toast, made your bed and drove you to school in a Range Rover – and let’s not forget that his first real job was rolling around in a wheelchair on Degrassi – which doesn’t exactly equate to hustling for a living. So, we can’t help but wonder what he could possibly be referring to when he spits out lyrics pertaining to coming from nothing. Let’s be honest, Canada isn’t exactly one big ghetto. Guns aren’t even legal up there. We bet he even got an allowance.

We can’t deny that Drake has talent, but when we hear that being raised as a Jewish-Canadian with a semi-absentee black father is considered a childhood riddled with hardship – that’s when we get a little lost. But! Then Drake reminds us that fame hasn’t pulled him from his dark beginnings (excuse me?), rather, now everyone hates him because he has even MORE money than he had before, as he told the NY times:

“I feel unsafe in Toronto at all times, I’m a one of one. There’s no one else you can hate as much as me if you hate money, or you hate success.”

Do us a favor Aubrey Drake – cool it, you aren’t from the ghetto. You’re from Canada.