Battle Of The Celebrity E-Newsletters: The Zoe Report V. Get Hatched V. Goop

Teri Hatcher recently celebrated the launch of "Get Hatched: A Chick's Guide To Life", a new website for women. So how does it compare with Rachel Zoe's "The Zoe Report" and Gwyeneth Paltrow's much maligned "Goop"? Our thorough comparison below...-

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Prices Of Endorsed Products

Zoe: Among the items Zoe endorses on her site, The Gucci Cruiser Bicycle, which is $6,365 dollars but totally worth it because it's an "amahzing investment piece" and has a sidepack for your favorite purse. Also, a 24-carat gold digital camera.

Paltrow: Paltrow knows what it's like to be a busy working mom, so she keeps her daily uniform relatively simple: leggings, a grey sweater dress, and $1,000 Bottega Veneta Riding boots. Other "fun" ideas for moms to wear: necklaces from Chopard, Balenciaga coin purses.

Hatcher: Hatcher wins in terms of the reason ability of her prices: most of the clothes she writes about are from Banana  Republic. She also recommends readers keep a bag of almonds in their car. So, yes, her recommendations are affordable, but it's nothing the average American woman won't already know.

The Winner: Teri Hatcher. Her products are boring, but at least we don't resent her.

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Words Of Wisdom

Zoe: "Learn it, live it, love it" is the motto of the site, the goal of which is to help people achieve "that perfect Bardoesque look."

Paltrow: Paltrow is FULL of words of wisdom--and if she isn't, her team of experts certainly are. Gwenyth urges Goop readers to get read of stale friendships, BE with your children, and survive longtime partnerships.

Hatcher: Hatcher isall about empowerment. "GetHatched is about finding your way to the ME part wtihout getting lost along the way. My desire is to be able to reach women, lots of women, and supply just the right boost they might need on any given day...it's a web destination ready to help you break out of your shell and discover what was there all along...one empowered chick!" She also signs off  with "Always Hatching".

The Winner: Paltrow, because at least she gets actual experts to provide the spiritual enlightenment for her. We may not necessarily care about her opinions on, say, the meaning of Christmas, but we'll listen to Deepak Chopra.

Catchy Titles

Zoe: "Salute Your Shorts", "Do The Wave", and "Show Me Your Jewels"

Paltrow: "The Making Of Pepper Potts" was an especially good title..."Kid-Friendly Dining", "Investing", and "Simple Style Tips" less so...

Hatcher: "Almonds In The Car!" and "Power To The Peeps" both made me laugh outloud, for what it's worth.

The Winner: Zoe all the way! She easily won our favor by referencing the best 90s Nickelodeon show ever.

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Actual Helpful Advice

Zoe: A high school senior wrote to Zoe who is "not one to wear the popular items" for advice on what to wear with her dress. Zoe's advice was thoughtful and appropriate for a high schooler; she recommended a cheap but on-trend necklace and relatively simple hair and makeup. Also, people trying to emulate The Beiber probably found Rodger's side-swept bangs advice helpful.

Paltrow: Paltrow recently posted "The Making Of Pepper Potts", in which her trainer Tracy Anderson shares Gwyneth's exercise and diet regime during the filming of Iron Man 2. Sure, a diet of boneless, skinless chicken and lemon juice is less than appetizing, but Paltrow is quick to note that she only did this diet for a short period of time, and, well, have you seen Iron Man 2? If there's anything we're willing to take her advice on, it's diet and exercise.

Hatcher: The truth is anyone under 35 is wayyyyy too young to appreciate this website. I slogged through a video in which women discussed whether they'd rather get eight hours of sleep or eight hours of sex ("My husband is not STING!" says Jackie, a married mother of 3, while the other women laugh uproariously.") I'm sure some women want to learn about how to keep their kitchens organized and whether or not pantyhose will ever make a comeback....just not anyone born after 1980.

The Winner: Zoe. Real, personalized advice on a subject for which we actually trust her expertise.

The overall winner? Rachel Zoe, despite how bananas over-the-top her descriptions and endorsements might be, actually provides a cool, hip look-book, and for that, The Zoe Report is amahzin.