"Don't Spank A Police Horse": St. Patrick's Day Do's And Don'ts

DON'T Drive Drunk

Again, it would obviously be better if this went without saying, but driving shitfaced on one of the biggest police enforcement holidays of the year is really, really stupid. I mean, look, it's a terrible idea under any circumstances, and if you have a shred of morality, you won't put other people's lives at risk because you're too cheap to call a cab, but even if you're the biggest scumbag in the world (oh hey Mr. Limbaugh), your sense of self-preservation alone should stop you from getting behind the wheel on Saturday. I'm not here to guilt trip you, but here's a brief list of transportation ideas that are better plans than drunk driving: train, bus, designated driver, walking (although you should be careful), surfboard, horse, hoverboard, circus cannon, giant slingshot, taxi, street luge, regular luge, ice luge. On a sidenote, I've always wanted to try the thing from that Captain Morgan's commercial where the drunk dudes call for a pizza delivery from the place next to the bar in order to get a ride home. As long as you found the right delivery guy and tipped him a $20, why wouldn't that work? [via]