Hey, Lady Gaga, You Are A Real Jackass

This morning I woke up to a news story circulating the wires about Lady Gaga enlightening us on something she calls her 'drunk diet':

"I live my life as I want to, and creatively. I like to drink whiskey and stuff while I am working. But the deal is I've got to work out every day and I work out hung over if I am hung over."

No way. No F#%@ING way. You mean to tell me she attends to her daily tasks when she's hung over from drinking Jack and Cokes the night before??? Wow that is really something else, what a trailblazer! You know, I think I've heard of these "drunk diets" before and may have even been on them, but they were called something else. Oh, that's right, "college". And actually "today".

Jiminy Christmas, how do you like that? Me and Lady Gaga on the exact same diet program! And if I'm not mistaken, I believe every famous rock star and gifted "musical genius" on the planet Earth has been on this diet too.

So why is this news? Why is the fact that Gaga gets drunk yet still, through some divine miracle the fuckwit gods bestowed on her, manages to function with a hang over the next day a breaking story? She just sounds like an asshole. And this is my problem with Lady Gaga.

Let's just put aside the fact that I don't, and have never cared for her music and am genuinely, sincerely confused by the recognition she gets for it and feel like I'm missing something. To me it just sounds like your garden variety recycled top 40 pop. And let's also table the fact that I don't ever care about what bizarre thing she is wearing or doing. Sure, of course I am struck when I see her being carried in a giant egg down the red carpet by men wearing nothing but skin-tight short shorts, but it has no effect on my life or feelings about anything. It just makes me think she's an asshole and weird. I see her in whatever freak costume she's wearing that day, think okay, that's weird; yup, she's an asshole and then I never think about it again.

But, where I start to care is the media printing stories such as this drunk diet steaming pile. Every day I wake up to a new headline in the news about Lady Gaga like this one. This was just today's. I'm not looking for them, they're just there staring me in the face. I realize that by writing this I'm part of the problem but this has really been bugging me since that joke of a Vogue cover story on her, parts of which I am actually pretty appalled made it to print. I want my 10 minutes back.

So my beef with the media is how she can say something totally asinine like today's nugget and we not only take the time to write it up, but actually validate "drunk diet" as if it's a real thing and give it meaning instead of calling her out on being full of bull. It's totally offensive. Look, no one is forcing me to read any of the Gaga articles but it's hard to ignore them when your job is to stay on top of the news and pop culture and they're at the top of the news feeds and on the cover of magazines. I'm offended each time I read one of these things, and I'm pissed off at my industry.

But back to what sent me into orbit this morning and why Gaga is a jackass. In today's earth-shattering report, she says she lives her life "creatively". I don't even know what that means. Do you? Well, let me take a stab at it. If I am reading this correctly in the context in which it was said, she's referring to the fact that she likes to drink while she works. And to that I have some of my own breaking news to share: DRINKING DOESN'T EQUATE TO CREATIVITY OR LIVING 'CREATIVELY'. IT JUST MEANS YOU LIKE TO GET DRUNK.

[Top photo via; Egg photo via]