"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Making Activities More Badass With Underground Rebel Bingo

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Unless your grandma tours with a heavy metal band, you've probably found your opinion of Bingo somewhat altered by the phenomenon that is Underground Rebel Bingo. After all, most of the retirement communities in Boca Raton tend to conduct their Bingo nights without the sex, drugs and rock n' roll that make bingo, y'know, not so freaking boring. But why stop at Bingo? After all, life is jam packed with awful, boring activities that are crying out for the "Underground Rebel" treatment. A few suggestions...

[Go HERE to check our last post and photo gallery from Underground Rebel Bingo, "'Best $2k I Ever Spent!' Let's Make Bingo Fun Again, With Alcohol!"]

Underground Rebel Zookeeping

Regular zookeeping: Fun? Maybe- after all, you get to be outside, you work with animals, and you don't have to wear a tie. But then again, you do a lot of exotic poop cleanup, you have to explain to tantrum-throwing 4-year-olds why they can't take the koalas home with them, and, if you work at the zoo here in Los Angeles, you spend most of your day maliciously torturing elephants (at least, according to PETA). On the other hand, throw a little Underground Rebel into the mix, and as you can see, all that downtime and child education is replaced with shotgunning Pibbers, humping stuffed animals (you know, if you're into that sort of thing), and playing animal dress-up. To me, that sounds like the superior deal.

Underground Rebel Pimping

I know, I know- pimping is already something of an underground, rebellious activity. But it's also cruel, exploitative, and wholly not in the spirit of what we're going for here. Which brings us to Underground Rebel Pimping. As the photo above clearly shows, this can still involve sexy, scantily clad women- but this time around, they're full business partners, freely negotiating a whole range of activities well outside of the realm of boring old pimping. For example, this Warlock is going to pay her to play Dungeons & Dragons with him and then watch a Nash Bridges marathon. If there's any time left over, she's going to help him set up the homemade ice cream kit his mom got him for his half-birthday. He's going to try to make Lucky Charms flavor! -

Underground Rebel Napping

Infinitely more hardcore than regular napping, Underground Rebel Napping involves intentionally putting yourself into a mild coma, then having your buddies revive you with a powerful electric shock. How you get in the coma is up to you, although we discourage traumatic head injury as it tends to have effects that linger beyond the "nap" itself. In fact, as hardcore and awesome as this activity is, I might as well say, just to be clear, that this is a joke and we really don't encourage this at all. So if you're the kind of person who got scalded playing catch with a Styrofoam cup of boiling coffee because "it didn't tell me not to," don't get any bright ideas.