"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" A Field Study Of Dance Floor Sign Language, Part II

When we last left our heroes of the dance floor at Dance Right at La Cita, we had made great strides in determining the anthropology of their complex methods of nonverbal communication. But we never leave a job half-finished, so here's the second half of our handy field study. Print it out and bring it with you the next time you go someplace with dancing hipsters!

Go HERE for Part I of our Field Study of Dance Floor Sign Language to get yourself up to speed.

If you guessed that these two gentlemen are simulating the operation of a chick magnet motor vehicle, you'd be dead right. Note, of course, that this is a European vehicle, with the steering wheel on the right side. This adds an air of sophistication to their two-man pantomime. Our driver steers with one hand, leaving the other hand free to remove his pants if he sees a chick. On the passenger side, his companion holds an imaginary microphone, which is attached to an imaginary speaker mounted on the imaginary car. He is ready to holler at shorties with a moment's notice.

THIS GUY JUST GOT HIS HAIR CUT AND HE WANTS YOU TO SEE HIS COOL NEW HAIR CUT OH MY GOD YOU GUYS CHECK IT OUT!!!!

In 1935, after a night of hard partying at what was then an industrial Tool & Die factory (now Trousdale), a man named Phineas Q. Martin was dared by his buddies that he couldn't chug an entire beer and operate the heavy milling cutter at the same time. Although he lost his index and ring fingers, and thus lost the bet, everyone agreed that having no regard for yourself is pretty funny, and thus, the modern hipster was born. The man in this photo is simply a student of history.

Unfortunately, the pressures of the real world occasionally creep into even the most lighthearted get-togethers. Though I don't know what made this poor fellow so depressed in the first case (perhaps the shock of discovering his arm tattoo was never completed?), he's clearly indicating that he hates this party and everyone in it, and would rather harm himself than stay here. It's always sad when this happens, but the important thing to remember is that he needs your help, not your judgment.

I have no idea what this means. Clearly he totally made this up.