The Summer Shit Show That Is The Hamptons Has Begun...

If you're not reading the East Hampton Star's weekly police log recaps, you are seriously missing out.

Sure, in the off-season they're mostly just touching on random little items - domestic disputes like neighbors fighting over trees and property lines, "theft" reports where it turns out the item was never actually stolen and the person just misplaced it, the unsolved mystery of someone dumping fish carcasses into Montauk Manor’s dumpster... But in the summer, things start to get weird, and in one town in particular.

Montauk is kind of the Florida of The Hamptons. 

Among the recent police logs that the local paper chose to highlight:

"At least eight tickets for minor violations were handed out in Montauk over the weekend. Among the offenses were littering, with a man caught Saturday at about 7 p.m. in the act of pouring out alcoholic beverages and discarding the containers in the bushes. Police also reported five instances of public urination and multiple open-container violations."

Five instances of public urination in two days?! While you may not find that number all too eye-widening, might we remind you that's just the number of people who were dumb enough to pee on a tree right in front of a cop? That means there's tens if not a hundred or so more who were doing the same deed but were slightly more sober to know they should be slightly more conspicuous about it. 

Should you need a reminder, the Hamptons is not actually the country. Peeing outside is only permissible if there's a chance a bear might stumble upon you with your zipper down. That's the rule. 

Honestly, are the bathroom lines everywhere that long? Take a hedge fund cog out of the city and they just start pissing wherever they please.

Keep your eyes peeled on the column to catch any developments and future reports of Hamptons hijinks...

[Photo via Gurney's]